*The following contains mature content. Read at your own discretion*
When most people think of the “bachelor party capital” they automatically think of Las Vegas. This is an easy answer to jump to as the city is one of glamour and glitz. I think everyone should make a trip there at least once in their lifetime… Just so they can go confirm with their friends that it doesn’t even come close to Montreal. For those that don’t know, Montreal is essentially, the “Las Vegas” of Canada. It’s located in Quebec (the French province of Canada) but everyone happily speaks fluent English in this friendly city. Recently I had the opportunity to travel to Montreal for a friend’s bachelor party. I’d been to Vegas before and I was interested to see if Montreal would live up to its hype. It only took but a few minutes for me to realize that it would likely exceed my expectations.
We planned the whole trip out with a local party company. This left out any guess-work that we might have about which clubs… and strip clubs… we should visit. Now before I continue I should warn our younger followers that the following contains content of a mature nature.
The day we arrived we grabbed an airport town car (line up for taxis was forever) to our hotel and checked in. The theme for the weekend was “baller”. We were amazed at the level of luxury for the price and all ended up staying in suites ($300 CAD per night)! The rest of the weekend would be an epic mash-up of debauchery and craziness!
Our first stop was the casino to try our luck! Jägerbombs were slammed and we hit up the roulette tables. The enormous casino is located on an island in the river and is open 24 hours. It doesn’t quite compare to the casinos in Vegas, but in Canada gambling is tax-free. When you win that jackpot it goes straight into your pocket, not the governments. We cashed out our winnings and headed back to the hotel to get ready for the night.
On the first night we had lined up a 4 girl lesbian show in the room ($1,000 CAD). There were four of us splitting it and I have to say it was a unique experience! I’ll admit we were a bit nervous about the encounter, but when they arrived they had as much fun with it as we did. They took each of us, one at a time, and laid us on the pull-out couch; doing the show right on top of us. When your turn was up they’d flip you over, pull down your pants and paddle you with your own belt. It came as quite a shock for the first guy and they didn’t go easy on us! Afterwords we headed to the strip club. What most people don’t realize about Montreal is that many strip clubs allow you to touch the dancer (full-contact as compared to no contact: within their comfort zone of course!) Now, for that enticing dance, it will only cost you around $10.00 CAD (Since the fall in oil prices Canadian dollar has fell significantly)
We ended up in one of the nicer clubs in town: Chez Parée. Everyone was having a good time and loving life… especially the groom at this point. The women were beautiful and the liquor flowed freely. We went for bottle service and by the end of the night we’d consumed 7 bottles of grey goose. At only $10 CAD per dance and $200 CAD per bottle we felt what it must have been like to be a Vegas baller where bottles are $1000+ USD. We ended up being the life of the party taking shots with strippers and bouncers alike. I’ve never had an experience like it. Everyone was having fun and nobody was stuck up. We left the club shortly after 3 and everyone went home except myself. I decided to head back to the casino for a couple of hours and didn’t crawl into bed until sunrise.
In the morning we cleaned up the puke, hit up the shower and headed to old Montreal. It was as if we had been transported to Europe. It had a quaint feel to it with cobblestone streets and cafes spilling into the street. We only had one goal before we explored: Grab some authentic Montreal poutine. For those who don’t know poutine is a dish that originated in Montreal consisting of fries with cheese curds and gravy on top. It is both delicious and dangerous to your health. Nowhere is it as good as in old Montreal though.
As we wandered the streets we decided to head towards the water when I spotted a horse-drawn carriage. We did what any group of grown men would do and hopped on board for a tour of the city. Classical Italian opera was put on my phone to set the mood. It’s hard to put in words how beautiful the city is. People waved at us as we rode by. I smiled waving and saying “Hello, Bonjour” as the others in the carriage shook their heads.
Before we got our second night started we knew that we required suits. A nice dinner and bottle service at a high-end club were on the itinerary this night and we needed something less casual. We walked into a Moore’s in downtown Montreal expecting to pick out something ourselves and walk out but even the suit store was impressive. A well dressed and enthusiastic French man welcomed us and asked what we were looking for. He happily offered to help us with our formal wear for the evening and took painstaking time choosing material, color and size for us. It was a good experience to have such a knowledgeable person help us out!
Now that we were suited up the night really began. We hit up Sir Winston Churchill Pub (Winnie’s as the locals refer to it) and hit the ground running: it wasn’t long before Kurt was doing muff dives out of the managers lap and the entire bar was doing shots with us. We were sufficiently buzzed when we finally had to leave for the dinner reservations that the tour company had lined up for us.
Dinner was again a spectacle! We ordered the filet mignon and sipped at $1000 CAD cognac. Someone with a bouquet of roses came to our table to see if we were interested in purchasing one. Brandon smiled and said he’d buy one for everyone in the restaurant. Once again the entire building was part of our group having drinks and changing their plans to come with us to the club.
We got to the club and were ushered in through the VIP line to our table. Our guide had arranged 4 models to join us at our table for drinks. We danced the night away drinking straight from the bottle at times. All our new friends couldn’t even begin to fit and at times it felt like the dance floor was our booth! Before we knew it was 4 am and the lights were turned on. I refused to let that be the end of the night though. After grabbing some street food we jumped in a taxi and headed back to the casino. To finish off our trip I hit it big time at the blackjack table. Starting with $100 I walked out with $7,000! It was as if I couldn’t lose!
In the morning we had to talk ourselves into getting on the plane home because we didn’t want to leave. Grabbed one last poutine and went to the airport. We all agreed that this would be a new annual tradition. After this experience if you were to ask me which is better: Vegas or Montreal? I would laugh at the idea.
The entire trip was booked through Montreal Nitelife Tours and they did a fantastic job of taking care of everything. We didn’t cover everything that they offer here which includes anything from golf to naked sushi to bachelorette parties. Ask for Adriano.